2 More Out There

Last week I submitted an essay to Tiny Lights Essay Contest. It went out the old fashioned way, in an envelope!

Then I squeaked in under the deadline for the "A Room Of Her Own 2009 Orland Prizes" via their online submission page.

Between the two, both of my favorite essays are out.

I am attempting to renew my commitment to my writing. I say attempting because it is really that, an attempt at accomplishing something that is difficult for me to do: write regularly.

Making time to write reminds me a little of being eighteen and not visiting my best friend's mom. Although sitting and talking with Carol felt great, even and especially without my best friend there, I didn't allow myself to go back or fall into a habit. Instead the habit became the lack of visits, the self-flogging I regularly gave myself for not doing something for myself that felt good and healthy. Maybe I didn't visit because I knew that Carol would push me to think more, to consider more outside my own reality and I simply wasn't ready to face her help. More likely, I didn't go because it was good for me and made me feel good. It wasn't partying, it wasn't getting lost in a boy, or a book, or a job.

Eventually I did allow myself the pleasure of her sister's company. I allowed myself to call and visit Miriam often. So much so that by the time she died she was my mother. But that was all many years later.

Writing reminds me of the non-visits with Carol because I know how good writing makes me feel, how much it makes me reach inside myself to learn and grow and exercise my brain, my creativity. It also seems to represent the last vestiges of internal self-loathing, of the mistaken belief that I am not worthy and do not deserve to feel good or to succeed.

But I do deserve to feel good. I am worthy. I can and will succeed. Eventually both of my favorite essays will be accepted and published. And acclaimed.

Apparently I'm not a Glass Woman

Glass Woman Prize: sent an electronic submission in July.
December: I'm not on the list of winners or runners up listed on the website.

*sigh*

The only submission I have outstanding right now is for the Phat Girls Anthology. No way of knowing when I will hear back about that. I check on occasion to see if the book itself has been published yet, just so that I can keep my records up to date.

I'm feeling pretty disappointed in myself that I haven't had the time or the energy to submit, let alone do much writing, the last few months. It is definitely a trade. I love teaching, which is what I was doing 48% of the time (48% is the official load number, I really worked much more than that), while filling in the other 62% working in the Writing Center. While I'm the kind of person who can accomplish a lot in a short amount of time, sustained busy-ness tends to exhaust me. So I spent a good portion of the fall happily exhausted.

Spring semester looks more balanced from here. I am, however, working on office space. I NEED a space outside of the house proper to be able to focus and work and avoid the distractions of laundry, dishes, food, phone calls and whining dogs (they are probably the worst distractions; their point of view is that my being home means that I am at their disposal). Case in point: As I am writing this, Teddy is speaking rather harshly to me, awooo-ing and barking to let me know that he wants to go out. Never mind that there is another person in the house, one who is closer to the door Teddy wants to go through.

I'll keep you posted as to when I send something out.

Newest response

It is always a mixed blessing to find a self-addressed stamped envelope in the mailbox. To see my own handwritings staring back at me amongst the pile of bills and solicitations is at first perplexing why would I send something to myself, and then quickly, oh, right, a submission response. Then I take a deep breath and I contemplate timing, How long will I wait until I open it? Now? Here in the driveway in the the sunlight? After I am in the house? Later today? Not at all?

When the first SASEs started coming in, I would rip them open as soon as I realized what they were. That didn't last long, cause who wants to open something that the odds say will carry news they don't want to hear? In fact the only written acceptance I have received, thus far, has been via email. In general, I wait until I am in the house, in the kitchen where I can put the rest of the pile down temporarily, before I rip open my once pristine envelope.

I stated earlier that an SASE is a mixed blessing. Even if it contains a rejection, or in this week's case a list of winners that doesn't include me, the up side is that it frees that particular essay up for submitting to another publication or contest. Then it no longer stagnates on my record of submissions list.

To make a long story short (too late), I did not win this year's Crab Orchard Review Literary Award in creative nonfiction. I had entered my favorite essay to date, Beautiful Damage.

So as of today, I have 3 submissions out.

When Was the Last Time I Submitted?

I was just looking through my submission records, and I haven't sent anything out since May! Wow, I let those old rejections get me down for too long.

Today I submitted my essay "Lesson in Love" to the Glass Woman Prize. I read some past contest winners and they were remarkable. check it out:

http://www.sigriddaughter.com/GlassWomanPrize.htm

On the writing side:
I finally finished a book review for the Earthly Delights blog:
http://earthlydelights.typepad.com/

I am in the process of revising individual essays for a manuscript tentatively entitled "Beautiful Damage: Pieces of a Life." It is most all memoir, and each piece can stand alone. I'm hoping to submit it to the Bakeless book prize. The deadline is in September, so I have time (if I budget well). http://www.middlebury.edu/academics/blwc/bakeless/

Weekend Note

A fairly kind, personalized rejection arrived in my inbox yesterday. It reads:

Thank you for your submission, which is very close to the sort of stories we are looking for. It is an unusual method of telling a story, from a unique angle. However, in the end we felt it doesn't quite transcend itself. It doesn't quite make a riveting story, as is. My suggestion (if the piece happens to be "untrue") would be to maintain the professional sounding voice while making the items in your sub-clauses more and more ludicrous, as a way of satirizing the mundane. It's not right for Storyscape, but we wish you the best of luck in placing your piece.

It is really a nice note, the advice is good. Except that the piece she is referring to is true. It is a true story of growing up in the home that I sold 3 years ago. Ah well. Back to the drawing board.

Tuesday

Today I received two rejections. One for an essay sent to Conte, an online lit journal.

The other from Sarah Jane Freyman Agency declining to look at my book proposal.

I also cleaned out my old rejection letter file folder, snipping the edges off each and every one and adding them to my rejection box.

Rejections and Resubmit

One new essay submission went out this week to StoryScape online.

I finally found the fine print on the agent's website that I submitted to three months ago that says, "We will let you know within two weeks if we would like more information about your project." So I guess they aren't interested in representing me. On to the next.

Sent out query letters for my book proposal to 3 agents.

1 agent has already sent a thanks but no thanks note.