Oh the Planning!

The very first semester that I taught, I was hired less than two weeks before the classes began, so planning was a constant, ongoing, all-consuming task. I had little previous experience to draw from; I had worked as a TA and grader and tutor. I often walked into class sessions with no clear idea of what I was going to teach. I was able to assign readings in advance, but the lessons and assignments that were attached to the readings were most often made up on the spot, seat-of-my-pants style.

This was the norm for quite awhile because we were in the midst of a recession and planning for the department was in flux. Classes were being cut right and left, and several adjuncts already burnt out from a wacky system left the profession and classes behind, and a few landed full-time teaching gigs elsewhere. Then administration would realize at the very last minute that they needed more sections of a course, and I would just happen to be lurking near the department chair's office in time to volunteer to take the class.

Still, these days when I sit down to plan, even with plenty of experience and material to draw on, I get kind of panicky and freak out that I don't have all seventeen weeks in the forefront of my brain. I can't recall every lesson I have ever taught and the nuances for each, so I worry that I will fail. Never mind that I have an entire filing cabinet full of hard copies and multiple electronic copies on multiple computers and clouds. I freak out about having to re-invent the wheel.

Eventually I settle into reviewing past semesters and new ideas and hammer things out with only a few gaps to fill in as I go.

I'm discovering that planning a memoir is really similar to planning a class. I'm kind of panicking. I have told lots of stories over the years, and written lots of essays about my childhood, but deciding what to include and what to leave out is really daunting.

My training focused on the memoir as a piece of pie. The whole circle represents the entire life. The triangular slice represents the material for the memoir.



I really, really don't want to write an autobiography. I really want to spend my time focusing on some piece, some theme, some aspect that is neither overwhelming nor boring nor simply navel gazing. And as with most of us, the various stories overlap in theme, time, and impact.

I struggle with the guilt of incorporating pieces I wrote ten years ago into this new project. I feel overwhelmed about writing new material.

Some moments I really want to stop-- walk away from the project and forget I have aspirations as a writer. But again, as I chip away at the process I am finally discovering where I need to focus, what I need to include and what I can leave out. It's a really messy process sometimes, much like planning a semester.

Right.

I knew this!

:-)